Pubs of Britain have breathed a sigh of relief at finally being able to welcome back female clientele, after the Six Nations came to a close this weekend.
The annual rugby tournament was rounded off by Wales winning a grand slam on Saturday, and watering hole owners have said they’re looking forward to getting back to normal.
“It’s nice, not to have the pub absolutely full of wasted, aggressive arseholes singing ‘Swing Low’ – even though the players obviously can’t hear them – for entire weekends at a time” Adrian Malcolm, landlord of The Dog and Duck in Kennington, told The London Gonzo.
“We tried to make it a more welcoming environment for women, but still, I haven’t seen a real one in here since January. I can’t even remember what women look like…are they taller than us?”
Londoner and rugby fan Gina Dakin insisted that, contrary to popular belief, there were in fact women at pubs, saying: “I watched almost every game. But whenever I tried to order a drink, it was like they couldn’t see me. They just kept taking orders from drunk blokes, and saying how they were busting a gut to make it inclusive for ‘the ladies’.”
Another London landlord, Allison Mackie, said: “We don’t even show the rugby. But still, every weekend it was full of balding, paunchy men in wellies and gilets whining about ITV’s coverage, and asking why we weren’t showing it on the big screen.
“We don’t even have a screen – we specialise in Indo-European small plates. But that didn’t stop them.”
“It’s so nice to have women back in the place” concluded Malcolm. “And with spring round the corner, we’re feeling optimistic about finally shifting some of that rosé that’s been gathering dust.”
By Daisy and David Bard