It can be hard to find a quiet, little space in London that’s got that air of tranquility and uniqueness in equal measure. With millions of others out there looking for that same spot, it can feel it impossible at times – but it’s not. Or at least, it wasn’t until we wrote this…

  1. Walthamstow Village

Far out, sure, but this is a delightful spot with a couple of delicious, great value restaurants and a charming pub. Unfortunately, due to this article, it’s now being overrun by frothing plebeian hoards.

2. Golders Hill Park

This is a beautiful, well-curated park just beyond the Heath, a favourite of locals and families, where there’s now no space to even lay a picnic blanket because masses of awful tourists have flocked there to overfeed the already bloated and gouty ducks after reading this.

3. Japanese Garden in Holland Park

This slice of Kyoto in the heart of Kensington is an absolute treasure: ideal for dates, quiet contemplation or a relaxing spot to eat your lunch. Or it was until five minutes ago, when a bunch of Time Out-reading mouth-breathers turned up ‘looking for something in London that’s just a bit different.’

4. Max’s Sandwich Shop

This Stroud Green gem is hallowed turf among locals, who love to stop in there for a world class ‘wich. Of course, now it’s overrun with yuppies and food bloggers feasting on foccaccia and pronouncing it ‘fo-CATCH-ya’ and there’s no way you’re getting in. But if you’d made it there two weeks ago, before this article came out, by Zeus’s beard that would have been a good sandwich.

5. Your Mum’s house

Your mum loves you, and she’s always ready with tea, biscuits, some tasty leftovers in the fridge and a good natter. But good luck getting a chance to speak to her, because 300 Spanish teenagers just read this article and they’re already there in puffer jackets, blowing up your spot!

By David and Daisy Bard

Image: Daniel Bron