Downing Street has revealed that Anglo-Atlanta rapper 21 Savage will be confirmed as the new Brexit Secretary upon his return to the UK.
Savage is a natural successor to the government position that has already been held by David Davis, Dominic Raab and Stephen Barclay.
The Right Hon. 21 Savage has not lived in the UK since he was seven, which political commentators and Prime Minister Theresa May have suggested makes him the perfect man for the job.
“His experiences abroad make him the perfect and only man for the job,” said May, eyes swivelling wildly around the press room.
“We may have had some people turn it down, but he’s been in our top 12 candidates ever since we found out he was British. The man has a cross tattooed on his forehead – if that doesn’t scream ‘I can solve the Irish backstop,’ what does?”
Political commentator Richard Frogworth told the Gonzo: “We’ve already given the position to people who’ve been in England all their lives, working in politics, and that went to shit pretty swiftly, so what do we have to lose? He can’t possibly be worse than the last three.”
Reports in America claim the rapper has accepted the position in return for being able to move back to Atlanta with diplomatic immunity once he’s helped ensure “a dope and orderly Brexit.”
“Yes, I do wanna exit Britain as soon as possible,” Savage replied when asked if he himself was in favour of Brexit. “Y’all seem f**king miserable.”
By David and Daisy Bard